When will I be able to see you again?
Many people have expressed their dissatisfaction with not being able to visit their close family and friends throughout the global epidemic, and this lack of contact has caused many people severe emotional and mental pain. Students who are unable to come home to see their families and grandparents who are unable to meet their newly born grandkids are just two examples of the great sense of loss that is being felt at this time.
Other relationships are also in trouble, with the resulting feelings of loneliness and alienation having a more subtle but important impact. When we're only 'allowed' to go out on rare occasions and then expected to keep our distance and not interact with others, we're missing out on the more informal, yet crucial, day-to-day relationships that strengthen our sense of community and belonging. I'm reminded of a restaurant that my folks used to go to on a regular basis. Dominic ran the bar, and whenever he saw my parents come, he got their drinks poured and ready for them right away. My parents were ecstatic about the unique care they received, as well as the fact that he noticed and remembered them. They felt respected and important because of his care.The meal experience would not have been complete without that relationship.
We've all been in comparable situations. The coffee shop or sandwich store that remembers our order, as well as the shops and service providers who remember small things and treat us properly. When my regular supermarket clerk expressed astonishment that there were no flowers in that week's purchase, I smiled! Recognizing and acknowledging others strengthens our bonds with them, making us feel noticed, valued, and less alone. It makes no difference that these folks are strangers to us and that we have no idea who they are. These connections belong to a distinct, but equally significant, category.
Be yourself seduction
Then there are those people we recognise from the gym or know well enough to exchange a few words with: a friend of a friend, a parent from school, someone we see passing by at work. We would have normally pulled over, said hi, inquired about their day, and inquired about their vacation. Such soothing connections have vanished once more, and we're alone, rushing out to get our weekly groceries or getting a take-out coffee if we're still leaving the house to run those errands.
What about stadium events, massive concerts and sporting events, networking expos, where hundreds, if not thousands, of people gather with a shared collective excitement, cheering for their teams, singing the words and dancing to their favorite songs, meeting and exchanging prospective business contacts? Once again, that common bond brings us together with strangers who have similar interests. For a while, we may smile at one other, dance together, and exchange anecdotes, stories, and recollections. Our spirits are lifted when we connect with others. We've been a member of that club for a while, and it's nice to be a part of it. It adds to the overall quality and enjoyment of the experience.
Face-to-face contact teaches children about relationships as well. Children sharpen their talents to communicate, tune in to body language, and find what works and what doesn't work by approaching a group of children who are playing. They learn to share, take turns, lose, and not be picked.
Be yourself seduction
Many of our prospects for personal engagement have been put on wait indefinitely, only to be replaced by the delivery driver who now calls on a regular basis, the take-out restaurant that knows your name and your normal order, and the pre-arranged zoom meeting. Many of these transactions are now conducted online, with orders being dropped on doorsteps with little human interaction.
During the lockdown, some new friendships were formed. Many people have started to take their daily exercise at a similar time, maybe going for a walk, run, or bike ride. When meeting new individuals, a courteous welcome can blossom into a grin and perhaps a few words of conversation, although these exchanges are frequently done discreetly and from a distance. We may know very little about the people we meet, yet the shared experience of walking or being in nature builds a special relationship and ensures a cordial greeting when we meet.
We may not have realised how vital a variety of connections is in life until now. Not everyone we meet has to be extremely relevant in every aspect of our lives. Many are more whimsical, light connections, tailored to individual interests and activities, yet they all contribute to a sense of belonging and sunshine. Losing a grin, a nod, or a few words here and there is a great blow to all of us. Let's hope we don't have to wait too long to see them again.
Be yourself seduction
Susan Leigh, a relationship counselor, hypnotherapist, writer, and media commentator from South Manchester, can help with relationship troubles, stress management, assertiveness, and confidence. She works with individual clients, couples and gives corporate courses and support.
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